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Common Tactics Used By Domestic Violence Abusers

By on Apr 19, 2013 in Blog, Boulder Colorado Law Advice Blogs | 0 comments

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Tactics Commonly Used By Domestic Violence Abusers

When it comes to domestic violence, no person should ever have to endure the pain, suffering, and trauma that is associated with it. The problem however, is that many times, the victims themselves may not even be aware that they are necessarily being “abused”. They can feel as though what is happening is deserved, which is usually caused by means of manipulation by the abuser. They can talk their way around it by saying “so-and-so is under a great deal of pressure.” In the end there are a wide range of excuses that can come into play.

Then there are those that know they’re being abused but are afraid to do anything about. Reasons for that range as well as when children are involved, that creates a particular issue of wanting to shield them from it. Hiding it from family and friends so as not to feel ashamed, and a wide array of other reasons. But for those that are unsure whether they are being abused, or suspect a family member or friend of being abused, here is a list of common tactics used by domestic violence abusers to be on the look out for.

If you are being abused yourself, or suspect anyone you know of being abused, do the right thing and contact authorities. Once the ball has been set in motion, you’ll then immediately want to find a proper lawyer to see what legal options are available. With that said, and without further ado, let’s get into the meat of it.


Most domestic abusers want to feel as though they are in charge, and dictate exactly what occurs in a relationship. They will make plans without asking others opinions, decisions will be made and expected to be accomplished without question, and all of this will be done with an air of force and finality. An abuser will often treat their family as though they are their personal servants, where no other concerns matter save for their own, and the only thing expected is unquestionable loyalty and the doing of their bidding. If asked to do something, and that thing goes undone, even the smallest most trivial task can set an abuser off.


There is never, ever a good reason to physically, mentally, or emotionally abuse a supposed loved one. However, most abusers create countless excuses for their actions. Ranging from it not being their fault, to being deserved, to their being no other option than what occurred. The only certain thing is that they will not take responsibility for their actions, nothing is ever their fault, because they can easily put the blame elsewhere.

Abusers will often downplay any abuses given, saying it’s not that bad, or they did not intend to do as much harm as they did. Either way, it should be remembered that a person is in full control of their actions, and as such, should not be able to blame anyone else for the things they do. Regardless of the reasoning behind it. We all have bad days sometimes, but most of us do not make the days worse for others as a result.


Again, abusers want to be in control, and the easiest way to accomplish keeping someone under them is to make the victim feel inadequate, incapable, and worthless. To make them feel as though they are dependent upon the abuser for various reasons. The idea is that if you feel you completely need another person, or that you are lucky to have them in your life, you are much less likely to end it and leave. A very common tactic by abusers is to crush and eradicate any and all self esteem of the victim, because any person with any self esteem would not allow for themselves to be treated in such a fashion.


Scare tactics are another common theme among abusers. In order to stay in control, they demonstrate various forms of aggressive behavior. They will outright threaten you, destroy things around you, harm themselves, pets and children. They can even wave weapons in your face to show their intention and seriousness. In the end, it is all for one purpose. That being to show the victim that if they don’t do what they want, something bad is going to happen. These violent temper tantrums should not be considered normal, nor should they need to be endured.


Abusers know that what they are doing is wrong, and as such don’t want the victims to have the chance to tell anyone. So a common tactic employed is to isolate the victims so they don’t have a chance to speak to anyone. Abusers will often keep victims away from friends and family, take cell phones away, not give them any money, or a means for transportation. Essentially, they will do everything they can to make it so the victim is completely reliant upon the abuser for interactions, food, entertainment, and anything else they can manage. In the end, what the abuser wants is to be in complete control, so they will often require the victims to ask them before doing anything.


Finally, abusers will threaten physical harm to ensure their victims are too scared to do anything against their will. These threats many times actually lead to physical abuse, as they can’t just cry wolf all the time, and eventually have to do something to prove what they are saying, they are actually capable of. The threats can even at times be against themselves, where they will threaten to commit suicide. Either way, if various threats are being thrown around, or actually being done, you do not have to put up with it. Remember, you always have an option, even if it seems you don’t.

At The Clark Law Firm, we understand the law can be difficult at times to navigate. If you have been arrested for Drug ChargesDomestic Abuse, or are in need of a Boulder DUI Attorney, be sure to contact us immediately! We have the experience and knowledge needed to help defend you!

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